Cause and Effect: Divorce Final

Kayla Will
Sheila Allard
Written Communications
10 May 2010
Kayla Will: Cause and Effects of Divorce
Everyone dreams about that one person they will meet and eventually fall madly in love with and have that fantastic relationship, think they are the luckiest person in the world, and then experience that amazing wedding that only happens in fairytales. What people don’t dream about is that tragic divorce that can ruin your happily ever after so quickly. No one wants to see a once so wonderful relationship between two people end in a dreadful divorce. Unfortunately that happens more often than we would like to see.
The divorce rate in the United States has commonly been going up throughout the 20th century, although it reached its peak in the late 1970’s. Since that peak, it has been declining. Back in the 1950’s the rate of divorce was about five divorces per one thousand women. Wouldn’t it be nice if that were the same rate today? Currently, the most recent data has shown about twenty divorces per one thousand women as opposed to the divorce peak, which was about twenty-three divorces per one thousand women. (“Relationships.” MissouriFamilies.org. Hughes, Robert Jr. (Ph.D, Former Professor) n.d. Web.)
Why do divorces fail? What causes them? Those two questions are frequently asked and there are honestly so many long, difficult, and different answers to those simple questions. If every cause or reason was talked about in this paper, it would take hours and hours to read. Instead, we will focus on three common causes, in no particular order, that can contribute to divorce.
The first being lack of communication. So many young couples or even older couples for that matter don’t realize the importance of communication between you and your spouse. Communication is a combination of revealing any thoughts, emotions, or ideas. It is commonly one of the most important aspects of a marriage. If effective communication is not present in a marriage, it could possibly suffer and slowly weaken over time. To have effective communication, one must be willingly to be open with their emotions and feelings and not afraid to talk to their spouse about anything. If not, the marriage could possibly end in divorce. (“Divorce: A lack of Communication.” Associatedcontent.com. Shumba, Aziza. 29 Dec. 2008. Web.)
The second being money. I’m sure this one does not come as any surprise. Money is a very good thing, but has the potential to be a very bad thing. Money can’t buy happiness, love, or a healthy relationship. According to a survey conducted by Citibank, fifty-seven percent of divorced couples in the United States cited financial problems as the primary reason for the demise of their marriage (1 para 2). Many couples don’t know how to financially handle all the household expenses, child expenses, etc. This can eventually lead to a lack of good communication with their money, which unfortunately can end badly. Money is a leading cause of divorce because a spouse could use it as a symbol of power in the relationship, says Dr. Allen C. Carter, a clinical psychologist from Atlanta, GA. He believes power struggles may surface throughout the marriage, and money is usually the root of the problem (1 para 16).
The third being infidelity. This may be the hardest and most devastating of all the causes that can contribute to divorce. We all are aware of some of the famous people in this world being involved in affairs. For example, Tiger Woods who cheated on his wife, Elin, with many different women. Along with Jesse James who was sneaking around with a stripper. Don’t forget Bill Clinton who also had an affair while he was with his wife. Infidelity can be the most damaging thing to a marriage. Statistics show that, although widely reported, sixty percent of men and forty percent of women will be involved in an affair at some point of their married life. While dealing with the pain of experiencing infidelity, there are emotions that one usually has. Those being: denial, anger, and rejection. These are strong emotions that could possibly need some sort of therapy if not able to handle alone. It’s the depth of betrayal and emotional pain that often leads to divorce. (“Infidelity often leads to divorce.” About.com. Meyer, Cathy. n.d. Web.)
Just like the causes of divorce, there are so many different effects divorce can have on the individual, the couple, and/ or children. The effects of divorce can differ by situation and circumstance and may be different for men and women. There can be both negative and positive effects of divorce. Usually, but not always, women can handle the emotional effects better than men. This is due to the fact that women usually have a better and stronger support system behind them, and friends and family will help them cope with their emotions. Men will sometimes keep it locked up and not let their feelings show to anyone. This is not always the case, just my personal opinion.
There are also the legal effects that come into play with a divorce. Who gets the car? Who gets the house? Who gets what? What do we do about the children? These are tough decisions that both spouses have to make, either alone or with a judge. There are a lot of other things that are involved with divorce and the effects that are not mentioned in this paper. Like I mentioned before, it would take hours and hours to read all the information about every cause and every effect of divorce.
As this paper has shown, divorce can be a sad and depressing life changing event for someone. There are always those cases that divorce may be the best thing for a couple. It all depends on the situation and what it all entails. I wish everyone a happy and safe journey on finding someone to spend the rest of their lives with, if you have not already. I hope that we all can find one of those fairytale endings that everyone is looking for, and not one of those fairytale divorces.




Works Cited
Hughes, Robert Jr (Ph.D). "Relationships." MissouriFamilies.org. 20 Aug. 2008. Web. 7 May 2010.
Shunba, Aziza. "Divorce: A Lack of Communication." Associatedcontent.com. 29 Dec. 2006. Web. 10 May 2010.
Waldman, Steven. "The Case against Divorce." MasterFILE Premier. EBSCO, Jan.-Feb. 96. Web. 10 May 2010.

“Why Money is the Leading Cause of Divorce”. Jet. FindArticles.com. 10 May 2010. Web.

Cause and Effect Essay. Research Process #3

My paper is coming along very nicely. It is kind of a sad paper, but I have found some good information. I sure do hope that I am doing the whole citation thing right!

I also look forward to seeing what everyone else has decided to do for their papers!

Cause and Effect Essay: Research Process #2

After doing some research on my topic, I have come to find some interesting stories about divorces. I have also come across that there are so many causes of divorce it will be hard to talk about all of them. So I have decided to break it down and talk about 3 that I think are the most effective.

The 3 causes I will be talking about will be:
1)Lack of communication
2)Money
3)Infidelity

I am also trying to find a good article that talks about the effects that divorce has on you. I understand that there are too many reasons that come with this. I will hopefully try to stay more with the emotional type effects and not go to in depth with any of the other effects.
But we will see as I continue to research.

Earth Day.

Earth Day.

After reading this article on Earth Day, there was alot of information about making it a business and making money for Earth Day. I can remember when I was in grade school, and the whole school would go around the school grounds and pick up any garbage, rake leaves, and pick up sticks to make the school grounds look nice. It would be a whole day event kind of thing and everyone would have fun doing it. We then would have drinks and snacks and play a bunch of games with all our friends.

When I got to high school, we still would do stuff for Earth Day. The whole high school would get divided into groups and be assigned to a certain part of the whole town of Hustisford. Each group would have gloves and bags to pick up any of the garbage. We would walk from the high school into town, picking up any garbage along the way. We all still had fun even though we were picking up garbage. Because 1) We were with our friends. 2) We got out of class for it. and 3)We knew we were doing a good thing for not only the community but for the cleanliness of the Earth.

I think every school should do something like this for Earth day, because even picking up that can on the side of the road makes the world look like a much prettier place rather than having that piece of alumminum on gravel.

Cause and Effect Essay Research Process.

Divorce.

I am doing my Trend Essay on the cause and effects of Divorce.
I realize I am a tad late on starting my research due to not figuring out what I wanted to do, so I apologize that I do not have any articles or any information about it yet.
I am currently reseraching my topic and gathering my needed information.
I am hoping this will be a good topic to pick for the cause and effect essay because I will be able to talk about both the causes of divore and the effects of divorce wether they may be negative or positive.

Meeting Donald Driver.

I am going to tell you about the time I went to go and see Donald Driver, #80 the wide reciever who plays for the Green Bay Packers.

I have always been obssessed with Donald Driver. He has always been my favorite football player ever since I began watching football. He is an outstanding player, not to mention the fact that he is absolulty gorgeous!

One day my cousin had informed me that Donald Driver was going to have a book signing in the Goodwill in Beaver Dam, WI, about 30 mintues from my hometown. I was so excited, I told my mom that we were going no matter what. It was still a few weeks away, so she said "We'll see." Those few weeks went by and my mom called me on her way home from work that day and said "Hey, do you want to go and see Donald Driver tonight, I got off work a little early." My response was "Absolutly." So we went to make our way to Beaver Dam to go and see Donald Driver. I was sooooo excited. When we got there, the line was very long, but I didn't care, I would defenelty wait. We eventually made our way to the front of the line, where I was greeted by Donald Driver. He shook my hand, signed my book, and took a picture with me. I then told him that I loved him and wanted to marry him. Haha. He told me, "I'm sorry sweatheart but I am already married." Haha. It was so cool to see him in person, and I will never forget it.

My Uncle Richard.

“A picture is worth a thousand words.” Pretty simple is it not? Only in my story, a picture is more like worth a thousand memories. As I gaze at the picture of my uncle Richard and I dancing together, those thousand memories race through my mind so clearly, it seemed like they happened yesterday. This simple but beautiful picture not only signifies memories, but life in general, and the future and what it will be like when we see each other again.
As I stated above, this picture signifies memories. “Memories are the treasures that are kept locked deep within the soul, to keep the heart warm in time of need.” These treasures are so very dear to me because I can look up at that picture, which softly lies on my shelf, and I can remember all those memories that I had with my uncle Richard. Those memories consisted of so many different things, whether it was lending a helping hand towards something, visiting him when he broke his back, or just simply dropping by to say hello. I never once left his presence without a smile on my face. He was just that kind of man who could get you to have those deep stomach pains from laughing so much. These memories not only make me smile when I think of them, but they have helped me cope through his death, and have given me the strength and faith to go on and live my life in ways that he taught me.
Looking past the fact that this object is just a picture, it holds significance of life in general, and the beautiful things it consists of. Ever since my uncle Richard passed away, I shamefully admit that I sometimes took life for granted. I now try my hardest not to do that anymore because for one, life is just too short, and in life you experience many different adventures and exciting things that you want to capture, so I did just that with this picture. I captured the exciting moment when I was dancing with my uncle Richard at a wedding. He enjoyed dancing, but it was rare that there was a picture to go along with it. Those simple moments are what make life so precious. Life itself is a prized gift, and it is our decision to live it to the best we can. My uncle Richard truly lived his life to the best he could everyday, and I always admired him for that. I believe his life got taken away form him too soon, and that is why I no longer take my life for granted, because at any given moment, it may be the last.
In addition to memories and life in general, this picture defines the future. The future alone will hold many new experiences for me that I am not aware of yet. But one thing I know for sure is that I will see my uncle Richard again, and having that knowledge really relieves me, and helps me look forward to that day. Right now in the present, I can only imagine of what it will be like. What will we say? What will we look like? Those questions do not matter to me, what matters is that I will be able to see my uncle again, and at that moment I will be so filled with joy, words will not be necessary.
Memories, life in general, and the future are just a few of the many components that define this picture. Sure, some people may look at it as just a picture, but I look much deeper than that because it was my personal experience and I am so proud that I did not pass up the opportunity to step out onto the dance floor with my uncle. If I would have, I would not be able to have this special remembrance with my uncle Richard that no one else has.

Ted Prize.

If I were to be the recipient of TED, I would be grately honored. Trying to make a difference in the world is a great challenge, but even if you make the slightest difference or touch the lives of a few people, I know I did a swell job. I know that I myself can't make a whole lot of change in the world, but it never hurts to try to do so. Having people support you and your views will help you face the problem and all it entails.

Growing up in a small town, you are not exposed to some of the world's greatest problems. But you are exposed to a few problems that many people just overlook. I sometimes think that the little problems are potentially the big problems. Not many people think that way, so that is what I would try to change. I would try to get people to open their eyes and stop focusing on the problems that are right in front of their face. But to make them look deeper and realize that some things will never be changed and they need to leave it at that. Having said that, I believe turing your attention to things that are not so serious could help some.

For example, many citizens in a small town do not focus on the children running around the town. What I mean is they may think that they are having a good time in the sun. That may not always be the case. Sometimes I see 3 or 4 year old children walking around the town by themselves. What does that say about their home life, parents, and family? Why is a 3 or 4 year old child walking around the town on their own? They could so easily be kidnapped or hit by a car, not to mention possibly getting lost. These parents obviously think that just because it is a small town nothing can happen. We live in a huge world, and at anytime something unexpected can happen. I can not even imagine letting my 3 year old child go for a walk by themselves. Sometimes I even see them out at late evening. This is simply wrong and I would try everything in my power to change that. It makes me wonder what their home life is like and how they are treated by their parents. If the parents do not care about their children, I will. I would set up some kind of facility where these children can come to and interact with other children. This place would be a safe and fun environment for them, rather than walking out on the street or in the park alone. It would not cost anything for these children to come, and all children would be invited. This could be a place for children to go after school if they are not involved in sports or other extra curricular activities. Or it would be a place to go to when they have nothing else to do. This place would help prevent some of the trouble that kids can get into when they are out walking around the town alone.

I would feel so much better if I knew these children were in a safe place, making friends, and having fun. I believe it would open the eyes of some of the older citizens in the town who looked past these children. I would hope that people would want to volunteer their time to aid and watch over these children, because after all, they are the future.

My trips to the Emergency Room.

Throughout my life, I have had so many different experiences and journeys with people I will never forget. Some of these experiences have lead to not so good endings, but all in all they have made my life what it is and has made me a stronger person.

One of the first experiences that sticks out the most is when I had my appendix taken out the summer of the year 2007. My sister Leah had her appendix taken out when she was a younger girl and I remember telling my mom that I never wanted to have my appendix taken out because it scared me so much. Well, unfortunately my appendix did not agree with me and wanted to come out. It was two days after the fourth of July, and I was spending the night at my cousin Shelly and Chad’s house in Mayville because I was going to babysit the kids the next day. I woke up during the night with bad stomach aches and puked about five times. In the morning Shelly had told me to go home and get better. Throughout the day, the pain got worse and I was getting worried. My mom eventually took me into the emergency room to find out what was wrong with me. We had to wait quite a long time before any tests were done. They finally got me in to take a CT test and told me that my appendix was due to come out. I was very scared because I had never gone through something like that before. The surgery went well and they got it out just in time before it was going to explode. I went home the next day and got a lot of cards and gifts from family and friends. This was a scary but interesting experience I went through, and I will never forget it.

I have always been known to not be the most gracious person in the world. I tend to trip over smooth concrete when just simply walking. When I was in kindergarten, my cousin Amy and I went sledding at her house on a warm winter day. We were so excited to go sledding we went in just our normal school clothes. To make a long story short, Amy had told me to watch out for a stump that her dad had just recently cut down. After the first couple times we went down, everything was going smooth and we were having a lot of fun. Until one time I went down, I steered a little too much and was headed straight for the stump. I tried to stick my leg out to miss it but ran right into it. It hurt a little bit but I did not think anything of it and just kept on sledding. When my mom came to pick me up, I went into the bathroom and found a big hole in the back of my leg. I panicked and went to go show my mom. She at the time thought I had just put a hole in my pants and told me we would fix it up at home. I then pulled up my pant leg and showed them. My mom and my aunt Becky just about fainted, and Amy said it looked like fish eggs. My mom took me into the emergency room and I had to get stitches. I still have the scar on my leg to remind me just how bad of a sledder I am.

I have also broken my left wrist. I did this when I was in fifth grade at Bethany. We were at play practice after school one day and a bunch of my friends and I were sitting on the ledges above our hooks for our backpacks and coats. When I attempted to get down, my foot slipped and I headed straight for the ground. I put my hand down to catch my fall, which lead to a broken wrist. My wrist was deformed over to the right and I could not move it. My mom came to pick me up and took me into the emergency room and I had to have surgery to get it put back in place. I had a pink cast all the way up to my arm pit for six weeks. It was so difficult to do anything when I could not move my arm. I was lucky to have it be my left arm because I am right-handed.

As you can see I have been to the emergency room a few times. But that is all a part of the journey of life. It is what makes your life interesting and keeps you going. My family likes to look back on some of the clumsy things I have done and we all just laugh about them, like the time I stepped on a rake and got a huge black eye. That really hurt, but was also hilarious because you usually only see that happen on cartoons.

Softball. Not just a sport.

As I step out onto the field, a sense of power comes over me. I feel as if everything around me, is waiting for my first move I am about to make. When I reach the circle and put my cleet on the rubber, I think of nothing execpt the ball in my hand and the pitch I am about to throw. It's between a fast-ball, drop, rise, curve, or change-up. When it leaves my hand and soars to its destination, I anticipate what will happen next. Will she swing, will she hit it, or will she miss and the umpire behind calls strike one? As I wait the mere 4 or 5 seconds, I realize she swung, and missed. I throw again, same thing, strike two. Just one more throw and she's out. I grip the ball with all my might and let it fly. Strike three. There's no greater feeling than hearing the umpire yell behind the batter, "You're out." All the happiness inside me comes out as my teammates and fans cheer loudly.

As you may have already guessed, I am talking about softball. I have been playing softball ever since I was a little girl, about 8 years old. I have loved the sport ever since. When I first started playing softball, I would have never guessed I would become a pitcher. Let alone, the picther of our high school varsity team, freshman through senior year. I always imagined myself playing short-stop, but that all changed when I was asked to give pitching a try. I was in about the sixth grade. I said, "Sure why not, I'll give it a try." It pretty much stuck ever since then. Right then, I had become a pitcher, and I was so excited to start learning and practing everthing pitching required.

As I got older, I practiced and practiced. When I reached high school I became the pitcher of the varsity team. Being a pitcher is very hard work. Learing the different pitches, and learning which one to throw at the right time and taking in the factor of where the batter is standing in the box. You have to be in control and aware of everything around you. Your teammates will look to you for guidance and support. You also have to be ready for the unexpected. Once that ball leaves your hand, you have to be ready for it to come right back. That has happened to me plenty of times during my softball seasons, and it makes you be on your toes throughout the whole game.

Like I said before, being a pitcher is very hard work. I usually stayed late with my pitching coach after practice every day to go over more things, show me how to improve, and do more drills. Most every weekend I was out on the field practing, not to mention practicing during practice. But what made me practice so much was my love for it, and how much fun I had playing. I loved being a pitcher, every part of it.

The person who introduced me to pitching was one of my good friends' dad. He was the one who taught me everything I know about pitching and softball for that matter. He believed in me to pitch, so therefore, I believed in myself. If it wasn't for him, I would not have found out that I had the potential to become a good pitcher. Throughout the years he became not just a coach to me, but a good friend and role model. He taught me so much just about life itself also. I really can't thank him enough for everything he has done for me. He made the whole experience fun and exciting and wanting me to learn more and more. I owe all my awards and acknowledgments that I recieved throughout high school to him even though he claims it was all me. That by far is not true, yes I had to put in all the hard work and determination, but he taught me everything.

So as you can see, softball was not just a sport to me, it was more of an experience that made me stronger as a person. It taught me responsibility, hardwork, dissapointment, teamwork, and how to have faith in yourself. By learning these things, not just through softball, it has helped me overcome some diffuculties my life has brought me. I am also very proud of myself for sticking with it and believing that I could accomplish becoming a good pitcher.

Now that I am in college and don't have the oppurtunity to continue playing, I still find the time to go and throw the ball around. I miss playing softball with all my teammates and will miss it for the rest of my life. But having those years in the back of my head, brings a smile to my face. I will never forget playing softball and I will never stop thanking my pitching coach and my coaches for everything they have taught me.

Play On Children. (TED)

After watching the short video clip, it made me realize how kids can really be genuienly smart and that they sometimes don't get enough credit for the little or amazing things they can do. When kids are given the chance to create something real and unique they put their whole heart and soul into the project. Which is what the kids did in this video. They saw the opportunity to make something great and they accomplished just that by putting their heart and soul into it. Which includes having the confidence and trust in each other that they can complete the challenging task together.

Just as the guy mentioned in the video they have trust in themselves to not hurt themselves, or to not hurt each other. Having the trust in yourself and your peers is extremely important when working with each other. These kids looked at each other as teammates and put everyone's ability to good use.

Actually, I believe that we can learn from kids and how they can be so open to each other's ideas. They do not disregard anyone or any ideas, but they use them to benefit the project. As adults we are so quick to judge or not listen to what each other has to say which makes alot of the problems we have in society now days. Maybe we should let the kids be the voice sometimes and listen to what they have to say. Kids have such raw and intelligent ideas, but because they are kids we can ignore them so easily.

That's why I thought that video was great, because it gave the kids to show people what they can actually do and express their feelings through building something out of a variety of different things and make it their own.

I work with kids for a part time job, and I can see how each and every single one of those kids have such a wide variety of different views and ideas of so many different things in life. Whether it ranges from how they play with blocks and what they can build or just simply sitting down and having a normal conversation with a child. Have you ever had a simple conversation with a child? I think it is so interesting on what they have to tell you, they will tell you anything you want to hear, just ask and they are not afraid to talk.

I know that people sometimes give kids the stereotype with being naughty or not ever listening, and in some cases that may be true. But not all. Kids need the chance to be heard and need to be praised with the good and wonderful things they can do. You could see in all the children's faces that they were having the time of their lives, and that was so good to see. To see the kids at their best and when they are most happy is when they can build something and be proud of their work. They sense a feeling of accomplishment which gives them the confidence that they will be well off in this world.

I think TED is a great thing for kids to have the oppurtunity to prove to not only themselves but to others that they are capable of producing rare and unquie ideas and projects. And mostly being proud of what they build. It teaches them motivation, perseverance, teamwork, trust, unselfishness, just to name a few.

Even though i do not know those children, I can say that I am proud of each and every one of those children. For pushing themselves to see how far they can go to make something great, even if it doesn't always work the way they wanted, they still had fun, which is one of the most important things.

It also gave the children an oppurtunity to make friends with each other while working together. Im sure that those friendships had a good starting foundation, because it mainly dealt with the issue on trusting each other, even when it may not have worked out the way they wanted. You could see that the children trusted each other and that they were all having the time of their lives. The smiles said it all.

My Story =]

Hello!


I'm Kayla Will. I am from Hustisford, Wisconsin, a very small town that not many people know of. You could say that I'm one of those "small town gals".


My family is very important to me. I am the youngest of 4 children and my extended family is quite large. I am basically related to half the town of Hustisford, which is funny because the town's population is small.


Throughout High School I was on the National Honor Society and played volleyball, basketball, and softball. Softball being my favorite. I was the pitcher of my varsity team freshmen through senior year.



I am now attending Western Tech to pursue my career as a Dental Hygienist. It is my first year here, and I love it so far. For the time being, I am employed at the YMCA working in the Child Care division.

I am a fun-loving, energetic person who always like to just have a good time. I enjoy watching football, mainly the Packers, because I am obssessed with Donald Driver. I have met him before and I told him that I loved him and that I was going to marry him. I love spending time with my family and friends doing whatever comes to mind, whether it is going shopping or watching a movie at home. My family is very important to me along with my faith. I love doing just about anything outdoors. I come from a family of hunters, so I also enjoy hunting our land by Arcadia. I shot my first 9 point buck this past opening deer season. It was so exciting and my dad was so proud! I also like to go to the races, whether it's in the summer or winter. I love going for motorcylces rides and going out on the atvs. Our family has 2 up north cabins, and I absolutly love going there for vacation. Being up north relieves any kind of stress and it is a place where I can go and forget about everything and just enjoy life. I enjoy going out on the boat during summer and go tubing and swimming. I also like to go out on the snowmobiles and the ice during the winter. So basiclly there is a wide variety of things that I enjoy to do, if you name it, I'll most likely be up to do it.

Eventually, after I graduate I want to start a family of my own and purchase my own home. I would like to live out in the country, but not too far from home, seeing as how I am so close to my family. I would also like to do some traveling to Ireland, Italy, and Maine, just to name a few.